I guess this is one of those many moments I would want to capture forever, and play over and over. The feeling you get, the way you feel your face feels flush, the sweaty palms, and the nonstop smiling, the butterflies, the reoccuring giggling for no apparent reason.
Those signs all happened all at once, the day I realized I was in love with you.
It was the first day you rode the bus home with me, back in February 07'. I remember everything so clear, I can almost go back right now. I was wearing my black tank top, and my Evanescence jacket, my hair was straight, and of course I was rocking the Converses, haha. You were wearing those baggy ass jeans, and a real big coat, I actually have that coat in my room, at this very moment. That whole entire day took forever to go by, school just kept dragging by, and as the bell came close to dismiss for the day, I grew anxious and nervous, but so excited. I could hardly contain it, and I wouldn't shut up about it! Finally the bell rang for the day, and there you were, right outside waiting for me, so we can catch my bus. I looked up at you, and smiled, then walked beside you, dying for you to grab my hand, we got on the bus, and I sat down beside you, and kept my eyes glued out the window, haha. I snuck a few peeks every now and then, but my whole body was trembling, and all I wanted was to calm down, so I could actually talk, or breath. haha. The way you make me feel, still hasn't changed, and I love that. Finally, I calmed down enough to tap you on the shoulder, and act like it wasn't me ;p, you smiled, and very unobvious touched my hand, and held it. I could feel my whole body heating up, and I kept freaking out, because my palm was sweaty, and my stomach was flipping. At last, we landed at my house, and started to walk up the driveway, when you made fun of me, because I was all 'emo' looking, you called me your emo rabbit, and poked my side, I started chasing you up the driveway. We got to my door, and walked in, I offered you a drink, and went to walk to the kitchen when I tripped and fell back on you. That right there was the moment, you caught me. Everything stopped moving, time just froze, and nothing mattered, nothing but that moment. You smiled, and called me clumsy, and just held me, I started to look away, when you put your finger under my chin, gently meeting my eyes with yours. My heart never beats loud, or to where you can even hear it, not ever, haha.. but that moment, I could hear every detail of my heart beat, and every detail of yours. You kissed me, and all the anxious feelings, the nervousness, all those shy awkward moments where all transformed into that kiss. The first kiss we shared, after I realized I was in love with you.
It has been over 3 years since that moment, and everyday I fall more and more. You've made me so proud, and you've been my best friend, and amazingly devoted, you've shown me a whole new side to life, and I love you for it. All I want, is to make you proud of me, and make you see how head over 'combat boots' in love with you I am. One day, I want to marry you, and start a family, tell our children about the first time I knew I was in love with your dad, share those stories for my lifetime, and then pass them on, for them to share.
I love you.
(Yes, I look like a gnome, haha)
I've done a lot of blogging about my soldier Danny Martin, but I think it is far if I tell you the story of how Danny and Geena, became Daneena<3
So, let's see.. Imagine a shy short redhead, slightly emo, and a loner. My best friend was my Ipod (:
Now picture a tall gangster looking guy, who is pretty much a wigger ;)
Youre probably thinking, no way in hell would that happen, but thats just the beginning.
The first thing this 'lame wigger' ever said to me was 'hey youre hott!'
I rolled my eyes, and said 'loser' then walked off, haha.
Little did I know two years later he would come back in my life.
I was friends with his friend Chris, and Chris was my gangster friend, we were complete nerds,
and we even invented IHOG (International House Of Gangsters) haha!
Well, Danny asked his friend to set us up on a date, can you believe the night of that date
I ditched him, and got back with my jerk ex. Stupid mistake, on my part, but I learned quickly.
Danny and I sort of lost contact after that, until I told my best friend I kind of missed him..
Little did I know, she was actually talking to him!
I started to talk to him again, just as friends of course, then he completely had me.
I was crazy about him, and my friend knew it, but she was talking to ten tons of guys, so she actually told me to go for it.
Everything was going amazing, then around Christmas 06' he stops talking to me, just cuts me out completely.
I was so upset, and I couldn't figure out why, so I caught him on aim, and basically asked him 'wtf is up?'
He replied 'your friend is right, and so are my friends, we are just really different, it would never work, I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression.'
That 'friend' of mine was the same chick who was trying to get with him, some friend right :/
Anyways.. one of my Christmas presents that year was to spend New Years in NYC, after being there a few days,
one particular day, I checked my page on myspace, and had a message from.. yep Danny.
I freaked out, and started to shake, and feel sick.. a part of me wanted to open it, but another part wanted me to shut down the computer.
Being the curious girl I was, I opened it, and read this 'Rudolph, I am so so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, I really care about you, please message me back, or call me or something, I hope you are having fun in New York.'
I called him when I got back home a few days later, and it was like that mishap never happened, after winter break we met up at school and hung out, everything was so amazing, he made me so happy, and we weren't even together.
Well on January 18, we were on the phone for a few hours and it was almost the 19th when I said 'so, my friends keep asking if we are dating, are we ever going to make this official?' He replied 'we just did.'
Haha, okay, so not the cutest way to get together, but I loved every moment of it.
I remember our first date, it was actually that day (19th) We were going to go see the Hitchhiker, but I wasn't 17, so that was a blow, we went back to my house and watched movies. When he was getting ready to leave, I went out on the porch with him to say goodnight, and I looked up at him, he looked down at me, and I put my arms around him, shaking (cold, and nervous, haha) and went to kiss him, well I got a mouth full of his hat ;) It was adorable, so he took his hat off, and we tried it again (: Needless to say, it was amazing, after he left, I ran around dancing and that smile would not vanish.
Funny thing about this is, when we started dating I told my friends and myself 'I'll give it a shot.' I never really thought it would work, we were so different, and it was sometimes just weird, but 3 1/2 years later, we are still going strong. He joined the National Guard as an Infantry Soldier Dec 07' and right after our one year, he got shipped off to basic, I stood right by him, and now he is currently deployed in Iraq, but rumored to come home very soon<3.
My point is, you never know when giving some cute guy 'a shot' could be the man you want to spend forever with. Mine is. My 'shot' is my 'forever' and my best friend. I am so in love with him, and it still tickles me how different we were, but how far we've come. Danny and Geena, are Daneena, and I never want it to end.
So, this amazing man in ACU uniform is my Infantry Soldier.
The Man, I won't shut up about!
This was right outside of the Roanoke Airport, right before he was heading
on a plane back to Iraq. He wears that uniform proudly, and I wear his dogtags
proudly, not to mention he looks sexy in those Oakley's! ;)
This is the man I wait for months at a time to kiss.
The man, I hope to get a phone call from, or maybe a skype message.
This soldier of mine is 9000 miles away from me right now, but with his dogtags close to my heart, you wouldn't know it. It's hard to fathom the fact that he is actually deployed. We never say goodbye, we always say 'see you soon.' It's never goodbye, because I know I will see him soon, goodbye sounds too permanent.
No matter what deployments come our way, or missions, I will gladly stand by you, and support you through everything.
You are my soldier far, far away, and I am yours right at home.
I love you.
While he is away, I'm only half the women I should be.
He is my other half, and he takes my heart with him, where ever he is.
People always ask me, how you stay so strong, and so supportive for your soldier.
Well, I won't say the common 'I love him, I'll do anything.'
That is true, but honestly, I stay strong, because this is my future husband, and my best friend.
We have been through so much together, and I would be a fool to give up just because he is not in the states.
Everyday I grow more patient, supportive, and understanding than I would ever imagine myself.
I never saw my life in these shoes, but I refuse to take them off, ever.
Being an Infantry Soldier gives my love a sense of pride and accomplishment,
seeing how strong, and amazing he is, gives me the same feeling about him.
He is such a remarkable man, and I can't wait to have his last name.
Honestly, while he is away I am 'going through the motions.'
That is a term, I actually picked up off of my favorite tv show, Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
She used this, when she died, and her friends pulled her out of Heaven, bringing her back to life, her own personal hell.
I'm not saying this is my own personal hell without him, what I am simply saying is, while he is away, I sort of coast through life.
I never even realized this is how I was living while he was away, until he showed up on my front door the day he got in for his two week leave.
I was happier than I have ever felt in my whole life, it was a mixture between smiling and wanting to cry. I wrapped my arms around my soldier, and just sat there holding him so tight, feeling his heartbeat, and hearing him breath. It was such an amazing moment, than I looked up at him, and he pulled me in, and kissed me so hard and passionate, something you would only read about, but this was my real life fairytale, with my infantry soldier instead of some prince charming<3
Everyday I wait for his kiss, and I know waiting will pay off in more ways than one.
Love, The Future Mrs. Martin
Without a doubt, I am so thankful to have my military girls!
Carah- She is absolutely wonderful, her love for her Marine is just amazing. His name is Daniel, and I can honestly say these two are going to be married within 5 years, I just know it! He is currently away for some training, and as mine is deployed in Iraq, we both talk night after night about our hero's in combat boots. She has helped me through so much, those nights where I feel like I can't go on, this girl has always been there to talk to me, and support me and my soldier. We have grown amazingly close since my boyfriend's deployment. I remember it quite clearly, I posted a picture of my love and myself on facebook labled 'As soon as 2010 begins, it comes to a crash landing for me.' She was the first one to comment it, saying how sorry she was, and how if I need anything she is right there. It made me feel welcome, and no longer alone. It was then that I opened my eyes to the world of military girlfriends, but she is without a doubt one of my favorites! I love how supportive she is for her marine, and how patiently she waits for him. Her facebook status' are a story of love, and it is just wonderful to read everything, and I bet her Marine thinks the same thing. Her and her 'studly' are perfect for each other, all those summer's away from each other, and basic training, and here they stand stronger than ever! I love you Carah, youre the perfect definition of military girlfriend!
Olga- She Is the sweetest girl, and so nice. Her husband is being deployed very soon, and it makes me so proud to see how strong she is being for him, and for each other. She has helped me remarkably, and I thank her so much for that. We've had those nights where we talk for hours on end about our loves, and how we met, it's so wonderful to be able to talk to someone, it really helps with those lonely nights. I think her and her husband are so darlin' together, and how supportive she is of him, really says what kind of person she is. A lot of military relationships fall out after months, but not these two. I love you Olga! Stay strong <3
You will find that a lot of my blogging will be about my favorite subject ever, my soldier! I know that we may not get to see each other as often as I would like, but I think that only makes what we have so much stronger. I really am one of many girls who waits many months for one single kiss, and I love that feeling. I appreciate every moment with him, and take so many pictures it is unreal.
Today was quite amazing, we talked for several hours on skype. He's been over there for several months now, and they are basically doing final stuff to prepare to head back to the states. DId I mention he was in Iraq? Well, yes that is where my love is deployed. We talked about all of our plans of moving in together and all the exciting stuff we plan to do when he gets home! Scarrowinds being one of the first things, for those of you who don't know, it is Carrowinds, only at Halloween, haha. He bought me this amazing shirt today, it's black and it has a pair of dogtags and the chain is shaped like a heart, better yet.. here is the link http://www.cafepress.com/+proud_army_gf
I read in my favorite military gf's blog where she was discussing how military relationships don't exactly have a high success rate. She is very right, and I am proud to say I have stuck by him through it all. Honestly, deployment is hard but basic was harder. Deployment has more communication, but it also is war. It's hard to sleep at night, knowing if I'll actually get to talk to him when I wake up, when he went on missions I worried myself sick, and the news made everything worse. He has told me some horror stories, and it is just heartbreaking. He is such a strong amazing soldier, and I can not wait until I can officially be an army wife, not just girlfriend. I think military relationships are the hardest among any, not only is it distance, but its months and months at a time, and to be able to say 'I stuck by my soldier through everything' is the best feeling ever. Soldier's need that comfort, and support more than most people in this world, it takes a hell of a person to do what they do, and they have nothing but my respect, man or women, they are all wonderful. I am actually considering joining the Army in a few years, but it's still just an option. I have thought about it for about three years now, but that is really where the trouble comes into play. My love is a soldier, and I would be one as well, which would make it even harder. I guess we will just see what the future holds.
I love you Danny! September is almost here love<3
Thanks to my lovely friend Carah, she suggested I should create a live journal with her (:
I'm not sure why I didn't think of this back in January, when my soldier actually got deployed. This would have been so perfect, haha. Oh well, he comes home in about a month and some odd days! You best believe I can not wait to finally see him, everyday down is a day closer, and I love it! I am so proud of him, he has been so wonderful and strong through everything. My strong infantry soldier, nothing could make me prouder. I also love having my military girls to talk to, and vent to. It helps in so many ways. Over all I try to remain as strong as I can for him, because I know that helps him. The way I look at it, is, he is my solider far away, and I am his at home, we have to stand by each other and support each other, always. I think being a military girlfriend is the best thing about my life, it has taught me so much, from being patient, to being very understanding and supportive. I think being a military spouse is a very special thing, and anyone who can handle it and be completely faithful and loyal gets huge kudos from me. I can honestly say, I never saw myself as this type of girl, with my infantry soldier, but I love it. I love talking to people about it, and I love helping people, who's loved ones are getting ready to go through a deployment, or just going away for a few months. I won't say I'm really an expert, but this deployment has opened my eyes to a lot, and every time I read that someone else's loved one is being deployed, I know exactly what they are going through, and I know that I can relate, and really understand. Deployment is different from just being sent away in the states, it's so scary, and sometimes I loose myself thinking of the 'what ifs' , I realize now, that 'what ifs' are not a good route to go when the love of your life or anyone for that matter is deployed. I know that any distance is hard, so it's not just deployment. I just know that a deployment is the real deal, actually out there over seas. I am starting to go on a babble, I just love talking about my soldier, and how proud of him I am.
I love you Danny Madison Martin III, and I will see you in September.